Train: Poznan to Berlin

Now this is where the stories get good. I've read about the danger of traveling on trains in Poland and was sure to be careful, however I didn't really expect anything to happen. After seeing the Stary Rynek I made my way to the train station to get on the 1:35am train. The ticket lady in the window refused to sell me a ticket, or it could be because she didn't speak English...either way I missed the 1:35 and the next one wasn't until 3:35am. So I looked up the Polish of how to say "I don't understand Polish, please sell me a ticket to Berlin. Again, refusal. After about an hour of demanding a ticket I decided to just get on the train without a ticket. Two men, no authority figures, told me I couldn't get on. Seeing that they weren't police and they didn't work on the train I told them I'd just buy a ticket on the train. One of them sat me in his cuchette single sleeper car, which was very sketchy to say the least, and then came to me demanding 40€. So I said I'd just stay in the aisle and make my way to Berlin that way. But these rebels alerted the police so I was forced to leave the train...
The next train was not until 6:35am. I finally, after yelling at the top of my lungs, convinced the polish women to sell me a ticket. I got on the train, ready for some sleep, and what do I encounter...more scam artists demanding money from me. They said, "passport control", so I opened the door to see a non-authority fellow. This is when I demanded to see a badge, which he could not produce. So, I slammed the door and went to sleep hoping his banging on the door would not persist past 10 minutes. When I woke up after a two hour snooze crow bars were penetrating my cuchette door. I didn't know what to do. I looked out the window and, thank God, I was almost at the German border. The train came to a stop and the door busted off the hinges and three pillagers entered my room with the intent on killing me. My only choice of reaction was to headbutt the Polish fucker and run off the train.
It was such a relief to hear a German guard speak English to me and help me out. I had my passport stamped and jumped on the train to Berlin............